Twelve Stories

by lunchlimited

I.

This machine you see before you generates stripes with extreme precision. It is a very powerful piece of machinery. It is also as expensive as it is powerful. Precision and power are an excellent combination, especially in a situation such as our’s (machine and stripe, as it is).

You should be the first one to hold the product, if you would like to. In many cultures and often in tribal regions this is considered an honor and a good idea as well. It is a full moon out and you know that means savings, even more than is custom. As I have said, this is indeed a powerful machine.
Excuse me for but a moment, I must adjust one dial and rotate the display for access.
Right, thank you for waiting. As you can see the performance is top notch and every system is at its full design energy. If you will step forward and hold the product…here. Thank you. And, here. Yes, great! You are a quick learner and will likely achieve many things. You will go far, as they say.
Now place the product in that tray over there, near the lamp with the bronze base. As has become obvious, there are no products inferior to this and no products superior, either. You see, this is a genuine one-hundred percent.
Thank you very much for coming and I wish you an excellent morning.

II.

The blues. The color of the blues comes in on the evening. The first color beyond the tired dance of some sunrise party. What? That noise. There comes a noise on the blue. A noise for gulls and cresting waves. It reminds me of my father and February  At the edge of the blue we cannot help but find some helpless, misplaced white. If we are to be honest with ourselves though, we ride on the edge of a misshapen gray. Even if we were to banish a large collection of shadows we would still find this gray which tosses itself before us. If my hair could be this gray I would not worry about death. If my hair could be this gray I would present to the world a most proud organization of facial hair. But alas (and what is a story without a love interest), must leave the gray of the gulls to others more fortunate. I will take the blue and press it to my eyes. I will round the blue and hold it to me so I might improve my sight. I see little else for me as I clutch this floating debris. Tomorrow will come regardless of my capacity to see it.

III.

The boy sat on the boulder and held before him a wooden sailboat of three colors: yellow, green and white. The boy wore clothing of a similar scheme, though mostly he was only wearing white. He had very few stains on his shirt as well as clean fingernails. Dropping the sailboat to the ground below the boy stood on his head and considered the vertical movement of the boat. The boy had no hair to obscure his vision, in fact he had excellent vision and observed every spin of the tumbling boat. While still on his head he wrote this down in his notepad which had fallen from his back pocket. He had no change in his pockets–front or back. The boy returned to the sitting position and congratulated the boat on its perilous journey. The boat did not respond having been damaged just enough in important locations. But the boat did not despair. The boy wrote this down and considered the day a good day. The name of the boy is Jonathan Jonathan. Write this down.

IV.

That’s power. when you can feel the object coming strait for you, and you turn it into powder. You do that, and I’ll leave you alone until you’re dead. Because I know how successful you’ll be. You’re my secret. I want to pet you, water you. Are you wet? I told you to wait. And when your cadaver belongs to me…You’ll be worth so much!

V.

Oh! exclaimed Howard, this is not how I expected it. I was led to believe by your literature that this would be a different situation entirely. Wouldn’t it function more accurately if we moved the power over there (to the left)? But of course he would not hear a response for several more minutes–he tapped his foot in familiar irritation. Fine! If it’s a bargain you’re after we’ll generate a new savings manual for you, we will have it ready for fast-excellence. Here, take this. (He hands over the product).

VI.

Baseballs are rolling off the awning and landing in the street. It is a pleasant view from these metal chairs and this metal table which are uncomfortable. The baseballs are provided free of charge from an unknown benefactor. The question: What does he get out of it? Fewer baseballs is the murmur about town. One two three less. The quantity of baseballs leads to speculation in both The Market and conversation concerning the identity of the benefactor. Fluctuations are expected.

VII.

The center coil has the capabilities our auxiliary functions lack. It is a progressive instrument of future liberation. We shall make it in our image. We shall become greater through our image. We shall enter into the central coil and realize the movement toward gravity. It is the central point through the signal breeches. Friend! Might we go together? It is dark near the location of misplaced fluorescent bulbs. If you see one, let me know.

VIII.

“Click click” said the boy, but his computer didn’t do anything. He only wanted to play a video game.  The video game he wanted to play was about a dramatic racket sport. It was the last ball sport, and didn’t require a court. It could be played in any environment, especially viscous parts of outer space.
The boy said “Click Click” and his revolver fired a bullet extremely slowly.
Dammit! I said.
“I told you not to talk,” he said, observing the perfect spin of the honey bullet.

IX.

The first door was closed and yet the second door was open. It was opened for us upon arrival. Thank you we said. Thank you for opening the door. The opening of the second door allows for much convenience. For the rest of the night it was stated a great accomplishment. And all said: Amen.

X.

Charles Henry arranged twelve sticks according to size. Charles or Henry–he does not have a preference–was told to pick the sticks while playing a rhyming game with his sister. His sister preferred to be called Dana and was better at rhyming and rarely arranged things according to size. Next to the sticks is a large orange ball which, though full of air, does not bounce very well. The orange ball is not used in rhyming games. The yellow ball is used infrequently. They no longer have either of the green balls. The white ball was left in the old country along with their parents. The children are orphans.

XI.

On the street a wooden deer blocked traffic…
Finally, a man got out of his car and shot the deer with rubber he ki–
He rubbed the deer. The traffic was so angry.
He touched the–punched the deer.
He punctured the deer and it started to bleed.
He whispered something in the deer’s ear and the deer walked away.
He had whispered the secret code about how to survive on Mother Earth for 200 years and save money without down payments. So can–
He now owns a successful powdered dictionary.

XII.

There is a hallway with a staircase at either end and two bedrooms on either side of the middle of the hall. There is also a staircase leading into each of the bedrooms. A sheep-skin rug lies between the two bedroom doors and provides a soft surface for the wooden coffee table.
There are four mugs on the table, each with different levels of coffee in them such that you would say each level was representative of a distinct quadrant. The dish washer is upstairs and each mug will be carried up a separate staircase. They will all be placed in the same sink.
So it has been told.

From:
Ben Conley, Matt Norman

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